Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Labour Conference Special - the quiz

So, this is the last of the Labour Conference Specials. Tomorrow we will assemble, looking absolutely wrecked (or in some cases still being absolutely wrecked) and we will sing the Red Flag and go home happy. BBC News has just (at 3.45am) broke the news that Ruth Kelly is to stand down from the Government; I got that news by text at 2.16am, and not from anyone in 'the inner circle' either. The Beeb's on-the-scene journos are probably wrecked too.

Anyway, on to the quiz. For the last couple of years Sky have published a conference Top Trumps pack. Last year was more fun, giving points for most charismatic, best-looking, etc. The young men in the Cabinet pretended they didn't take it at all seriously, but were all secretly checking out their scores. This year it's all about expenses and Google hits and how much they'd get for their memoirs, but they also have a brief description of the politicians in question. So, have a go at guessing who these are. (They're all frontbenchers, from the three main parties).

1. "Mary Poppins' mum"

2. "Image-obsessed, no-nonsense nanny"

3. "The wittiest political speaker of the times, inside and outside the House"

4. "Rising government 'glamour puss' prone to exposing her briefs"

5. "Proves you don't have to be young to be good"

6. "Heart-melting, blokish and Northern"

7. "Super-confident, sometimes cocky, less shrill than he once was"

8."Sometimes too clever by half, but he's set for great things if he develops a more populist tone and steers clear of smugness"

9. "Bright and likeable, he talks to the public in words they understand"

10. "Cameron-like or Cameron-lite?"

11. "Posh but cool"

12. "Battles through parliamentary squalls like a teacher in an unruly classroom"

13. "Small and perfectly formed... but perhaps too independent (or oily) to prosper permanently in politics"

14. "As sharp as a blade and currently underrated"

15. "Combative and diminutive.... frustrated that his talents have not been properly recognised"

I am tempted to make up a few of my own too, but that might get me into trouble. You can if you really want to.

11 comments:

The Bristol Blogger said...

Right. Off the top of my head:

1. Jacqui Smith (or Blearsy?)

2. Caroline Spelman (this could be Blearsy too actually)

3. Hague

4. Caroline Flint

5. Vince Cable

6. Andy Burnham. Actually the only Northern politician I can think of apart from Alan "Haze of dope" Milburn who is not "heart-melting". Most Northern Labour seats seem to be occupied by ambitious, Oxbridge educated southerners don't they?

7. James Purnell (Could be Govey but I'm putting him below)

8. Miliband, D

9. Miliband, E

10. Clegg

11. Osbourne (could be Cameron or Boris too. None of whom are cool incidentally)

12. Sounds like an old bore. I'll go for Straw.

13. Govey (not small but perfectly formed, more a little runt)

14. Dan Norris (that's a joke by the way)

15. Er, someone small who's not in the cabinet. (It's hard to answer size questions because they all look roughly the same size on telly)

Paul said...

I think they are all David Miliband

The Bristol Blogger said...

Is there something about David we're not being told?

"Rising government 'glamour puss' prone to exposing her briefs"

Kerry said...

The Blogger scores 5 out of 15.

Paul Smith scores a big fat 0.

Come on, surely someone out there can do better?

Democritus said...

Let's see ...

1. "Mary Poppins' mum" YVETTE COOPER

2. "Image-obsessed, no-nonsense nanny" HAZEL BLEARS

3. "The wittiest political speaker of the times, inside and outside the House" WILLIAM HAGUE

4. "Rising government 'glamour puss' prone to exposing her briefs" CAROLINE FLINT

5. "Proves you don't have to be young to be good" ALAN JOHNSON

6. "Heart-melting, blokish and Northern" ANDY BURNHAM

7. "Super-confident, sometimes cocky, less shrill than he once was"

8."Sometimes too clever by half, but he's set for great things if he develops a more populist tone and steers clear of smugness" MICHAEL GOVE

9. "Bright and likeable, he talks to the public in words they understand" ALISTAIR DARLING

10. "Cameron-like or Cameron-lite?" NICK CLEGG

11. "Posh but cool" GEORGE OSBOURNE

12. "Battles through parliamentary squalls like a teacher in an unruly classroom" DES BROWNE

13. "Small and perfectly formed... but perhaps too independent (or oily) to prosper permanently in politics" ALAN DUNCAN

14. "As sharp as a blade and currently underrated" LIAM BYRNE

15. "Combative and diminutive.... frustrated that his talents have not been properly recognised" DOUGLAS ALEXANDER

Democritus said...

missed No 7 ...
"Super-confident, sometimes cocky, less shrill than he once was"
ED BALLS

Kerry said...

Democritus steams into the lead with 6 out of 15.

Glenn Vowles said...

My effort, with some rough guesses included:

1. "Mary Poppins' mum" H Harman

2. "Image-obsessed, no-nonsense nanny" T May

3. "The wittiest political speaker of the times, inside and outside the House" W Hague

4. "Rising government 'glamour puss' prone to exposing her briefs" C Flint

5. "Proves you don't have to be young to be good" V Cable

6. "Heart-melting, blokish and Northern" A Burnham

7. "Super-confident, sometimes cocky, less shrill than he once was" E Balls??

8."Sometimes too clever by half, but he's set for great things if he develops a more populist tone and steers clear of smugness"
M Gove

9. "Bright and likeable, he talks to the public in words they understand" D Cameron??

10. "Cameron-like or Cameron-lite?" N Clegg

11. "Posh but cool" B Johnson, but he's not a frontbencher now, so?? D Cameron??

12. "Battles through parliamentary squalls like a teacher in an unruly classroom" R Kelly

13. "Small and perfectly formed... but perhaps too independent (or oily) to prosper permanently in politics" H Blears????

14. "As sharp as a blade and currently underrated" J Purnell

15. "Combative and diminutive.... frustrated that his talents have not been properly recognised"
A Duncan

Kerry said...

Vowlsie races ahead of the pack with 9 (if I'm being generous).

We can't have a Green Party win, can we?

Northern Lights said...

1. HAS to be Harriet Harman

2. Carolins Spellman?

3. William Hague of course...although John Prescott often raised more laughs in PMQ's.

4. Catwalk Caroline

5. Vince Cable?

6. Burnham...although the fact that he is described as 'northern' does belie a general prejudice...how come none of the other politicians here are described as 'southern'?

7. David Cameron?

8. George Osborne? I think it was the word 'smugness' that sealed it for me.

9. Alan Johnson

10. Nick Cleggover

11. Boris Johnson is the ONLY person I can think of who could be described as 'posh but cool'.

12. Jacqui Smith

13. Alan Duncan

14. Ed Miliband?

15. Dr Dr Fox

Kerry said...

Northern Lights - who I like to think might be 'heart-melting, blokish and northern' himself - storms into a commanding lead with 11.