Music when the lights go out

From the Guardian music blog: why do right-on musicians look so bad and/ or make such dreadful music? I think the person who has responded by citing Chumbawumba has kind of missed the point!

Nobody does it better

Memo to self... you are not living in Greenwich Village Mean Time. Going to bed at 5am is not a good idea. Anyway, here are the good ones (N.B. not just good cover versions... better than the original ones):

1. Talking Heads - Take Me to the River
2. Marvin Gaye - Heard It Through the Grapevine
3. Aretha Franklin - I Say a Little Prayer
4. The Four Tops - Walk Away Renee
5. Johnny Cash - The Mercy Seat (with a hon. mensh to U2's One)
6. The Flaming Lips - Bohemian Rhapsody (because I am, of course, 'a ghastly snob')
7. Aztec Camera - Jump (when they did this, the Van Halen song, the NME said that the original was by Leonard Cohen - and I believed that for a long time)
8. Patti Smith - Because the Night
9. Soulwax - Wouldn't it be Good?
10. Teenage Fanclub - The Ballad of John and Oko. But then I'd go for almost anyone doing anything by the Beatles. I don't like the Beatles.

Coming tomorrow... nobody does it better

Cover versions which are better than the originals. I should probably go to bed now, or I won't get up in time for my 4am ice-cold bath.

There ought to be a law against it

OK, being a 'ghastly snob' about such things, here's my Top Ten of cover versions that should never, ever have been attempted.... In no particular order.

1) 'White Lines (Don't Do It)' - Duran Duran

From a covers album. Thankfully I've not heard any of the other tracks. Perfect Day? Ball of Confusion? Watching the Detectives? 'Stunningly wrongheaded', as the critic said.

2) 'Positively 4th Street' - Simply Red.

Mick - if someone has done something mean to you, just send them a copy of Dylan's version. They will get the message. No-one can sneer like Bob.

3) 'American Pie' - Madonna

Sheer lunacy. What was she thinking? Although at least she didn't do all the verses. Or did she? I never quite got to listening to more than a minute of it.

4) 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' - Paul Young

I almost have a bit of a soft spot for Paul Young, being a Luton lad and all that, and I like 'Everything Must Change' because of the backing singers, but this is..... aaarrrggghh!!!!!Especially when he pronounces 'tear' as 'teer'. Does he think it's a play on words? Is he trying to give it a double meaning? Wrong, wrong, wrong. (And while I'm at it... Bono - it's wrong).

5) All those Abba songs - the cast of Mamma Mia

Just read today that My Worst Film of 2008 (I saw it on a plane) has overtaken Titanic as the best-performing film in the UK ever. I knew it was going to be awful from the trailer, when 'I've been cheated by you since I don't know when' was changed to 'I've been cheated by you and I think you know when', which - at the risk of sounding a teensy bit pretentious - completing robs the opening line of all its poignancy. And I Abba doesn't work without the Swedish accents.

6) 'Light my Fire' - Will Young

The only time I have ever voted in a TV talent show was in the Pop Idol final when Will Young beat Gareth Gates, and this song was one of the reasons. Especially the way he said 'Fire', like Fiy-ya. (The other being the absolutely adorable puppydogness that was Gareth Gates at the time, which he has now spoilt by growing up. Although I still wanted him to win that ice-skating show).

7) Any cover version they've ever attempted - Boyzone/ Ronan Keating

Not only did they misguidedly try to emulate the Godlike Genius that is Billy Ocean, with 'When the Going Gets Tough', they also made the magnificently doomy 'Seasons in the Sun' sound like a holiday camp sing-a-long. And that's not to mention 'Words', 'Baby Can I Hold You', 'Love Me For a Reason' (I'm rather partial to the Osmonds' original), 'Father and Son', 'You Needed Me' and of course the absolute raging travesty that was 'Fairytale of New York'.

8) 'I Will Always Love You' - Whitney Houston

The scene in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas when Dolly Parton sings it to Burt Reynolds on the stairs is enough to bring a tear to anyone's eye. Whitney's bellowing just makes your ears bleed.

9) 'Dancin' in the Streets' - David Bowie and Mick Jagger

The unutterable smugness of it all. And the pulling of faces at each other in the video. Covering Motown generally is not a good idea. Why tamper with pop perfection? Although I did like the Beat's 'Tears of a Clown'.

10) 'My Way' - by virtually anyone except Sinatra and Sid Vicious, and especially Ray Quinn.

Sid's version, or the film clip, still makes me laugh. Ray Quinn's version is the work of the devil.

I'm sure I've missed some really obvious ones, so over to you now. And I won't be accepting any comments that are OT. Especially those from libertarians who take issue with the post's title. It's Christmas. You must join in the fun or leave the party. That's an order!

It's nice to be wanted... me neither.

Just been catching up with Tom Harris' blog, and his complaint about not being invited to Derek Draper's Labour blogathon. Well as you can see from the list of invitees on Guido, I wasn't invited either. I shared a cab with Derek Draper and David Lammy at Labour's last National Policy Forum, having all arrived separately on the same train. He now says hello to me when he sees me, which always seems to be when I'm going up and he's going down the escalator to/from Portcullis House. But that's it.

And I was wrong about Fairytale of New York inevitably being Tom's number one... So now I'm betting on Slade. (Someone will now tell me he's already done them, but if so I haven't noticed). Then again, he said his wife, Caroline, shares the same number one as him, and she likes 'Christmas Wrapping' by the Waitresses so obviously is a woman of taste and refinement. Hmmm...

Take five

It's not really time for another frivolous music-related thread, but what the hell... To mark their 50th anniversary Motown are releasing a 50 track album this December, and you can vote for which tracks should be included.

Popbitch* is plumping for: Love Hangover (Diana Ross), I've Never Been To Me (Charlene), As (Stevie Wonder), Dancing On The Ceiling (Lionel Ritchie), Let's Get It On (Marvin Gaye).

I must admit to something of a macabre fascination with the Charlene track and you might even be able to get me to own up to knowing all the words: "I've been undressed by kings, and I've seen some things that a woman ain't 'sposed to see. I've been to paradise but I've never been to me" And the spoken bit... I might come up with a list of songs with spoken bits one day.

Here's my Top Five Motown, although how can you narrow it down to just five? Reach Out I'll Be There (The Four Tops); I Second That Emotion (Smokey Robinson and the Miracles); I Heard It Through The Grapevine (Marvin Gaye); The Happening (Supremes); Bernadette (The Four Tops).

What's the betting Grapevine will top the poll? I went through a long period of preferring other Marvin Gaye tracks because it was just too familiar, but I'm now appreciating it all over again. Sounds fantastic on the iPod.

*Popbitch also has this quote: "What's wrong with a miniskirt? You can cause an accident because some of our people are weak mentally" - Nsaba Buturo, Uganda's Minister for Ethics and Integrity.

Which side are you on?

Guardian music blog asking "Why are British musicians so scared of politics?" I suspect the answer is simply that Labour is in Government. If one was absolutely forced at gunpoint to identify something good about having a Conservative Government... the protest songs were better. (Here's an older Guardian article on the same theme.) Meanwhile, this month's Q magazine has an interview with not-at-all-political parliamentary rock band, MP4, with guest guitarist Andy Burnham who says that it's was Billy Bragg's Which Side Are You On? which inspired him to pick up a guitar.

So - off the top of my head, here's some of the best political songs:

1. Ghost Town - the Specials (with hon mensh to their version of Maggie's Farm, the Special Aka's Nelson Mandela, and the Beat's Stand Down Margaret). I don't think there's ever been a song that captured the mood of the times so presciently as this, which hit number 1 during the 1981 riots.

2. A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke, and Strange Fruit - Billie Holliday. Two very different takes on segregation in the deep South: one showing defiant optimism, the other probably the bleakest song ever written. Also, Hurricane - Bob Dylan.

3. Alternative Ulster/ Suspect Device - Stiff Little Fingers. And a highly commended to Belfast - Boney M. Well at least they were trying!

4. The Revolution will not be Televised - Gil Scott-Heron. The Godfather of rap. It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back - Public Enemy. (And I think there's a good case for regarding Eminem as one of the most political writers of recent years.)

5. Between the Wars EP - Billy Bragg; Shipbuilding - Robert Wyatt; Good Technology - the Red Guitars; Pills and Soap - Elvis Costello. Classic 1980s Peel shows.

6. This Land is Your Land - Woody Guthrie. And the Irish songs I should know but all tend to blur into one.

7. How Does it Feel? (To be the Mother of 1000 Dead) - Crass. (Never actually listened to it, of course - could anyone? - but used to read their sleeve notes avidly and draw anarchy signs on my school books. Those were the days).

8. California Uber Alles/ Holiday in Cambodia/ Kill the Poor - The Dead Kennedys. Because they're funny too.

9. Dread Beat an' Blood - Linton Kwesi Johnson; Mi Cyaan Believe It - Michael Smith; Two Sevens Clash - Culture.

10. Equal but Different/ Come Again - the Au Pairs; Damaged Goods - the Gang of Four. The personal is political.

11. Anarchy in the UK - the Sex Pistols. Obviously. And too many to mention by the Clash; Babylon's Burning - the Ruts; Sound of the Suburbs - the Members; Eton Rifles - the Jam (was never that keen on the Jam, but at least it's topical).

12. Fall on Me - REM. Environmental politics twenty years before everyone else cottoned on. And probably their best song too.

Heavenly pop hit

Songs I want but can't get on I-tunes.

1. Heavenly Pop Hit - the Chills
2. The Unguarded Moment - the Church
3. Different Drum - the Lemonheads
4. Mattress of Wire/ Just like Gold - Aztec Camera
5. Shack Up/ Do the Du - A Certain Ratio (apart from on a live album)

And the Billy Ocean album is not as advertised - all the hits are missing.

Billy is coming to Bristol soon!

Words

Thanks to Mrs Blogs - of Mrs Blogs blogs fame - for showing me where to find the full list of the 8 booklets in the Guardian's great lyricists series. I'd got 7 out of the 8 booklets, and was going to muse as to who else should have been included in there, but couldn't do that without knowing who the missing no. 8 was - or potentially looking rather foolish. (Old hat now, I know, but that's what recess is for - catching up on those things you meant to do but didn't have time. And it puts off the moment I have to start reading that Larry Elliott book I'm supposed to be reviewing).

The Guardian went for: Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Patti Smith, Chuck D, Morrissey, Joni Mitchell, Alex Turner and Leonard Cohen. I'd definitely have gone for Dylan, but different songs; definitely Alex Turner (ditto); and Chuck D probably deserves it too. But as for others, I'd have gone for Gil Scott-Heron, Jarvis Cocker, Stephen Malkmus, Ian Curtis, and... someone from the Motown stable - can't decide between Smokey Robinson, Eddie Holland or Barratt Strong; how do you choose between You Really Got a Hold on Me, Bernadette and Heard it Through the Grapevine? OK, you could argue it's the amazing vocals that make the songs, not the lyrics, but lyrics don't have to be 'clever-clever' to be great.

The light at the end of the tunnel (is the light of an oncoming train)

Charlotte Leslie is posting poetry on her blog. I'm posting pictures of semi-naked Russian politicians in dubious trousers. I have also in the past week posted pics of bingo wings, Keanu Reeves, and the Leader of the Opposition in a wetsuit. I promise to try at least a little to be more intellectual tomorrow. But in a last burst of frivolity can I just say:

• * New Beck album, Modern Guilt - very good, especially 'Orphans' which sounds a bit like 'You're so Vain' but none the worse for that;

* The Last of the Shadow Puppets album, The Age of Understatement - very good, especially 'I Don't Like You Anymore' (joins 'Like a Rolling Stone' and 'Positively 4th Street' as great songs to play when you don't like someone anymore);

* And if you haven't seen the graffiti art in a disused railway tunnel at Waterloo station, you should try to do so before it's completely trashed by untalented no-marks who think it's cool to scrawl their names over what are actually pretty stunning works of art. (This one below has already been ruined since I took the pic. It's a Banksy.)

Feel good hit of the summer (2)

Sorry, sorry - I got it all wrong.

How the **** did I forget Dido?

Feel good hit of the summer

Given my colleague Tom's brave attempt to cheer us all up by listing his Top Ten feel good summer songs, I thought I should also rise to the challenge. Except I couldn't think of anything really... so I consulted the chaps at the Curry Club who, true to form, reacted as if I'd suggested a Top Ten all-time classics from the wonderful world of Andrew Lloyd-Webber musicals. As sung by Michael Ball.

Apparently the very concept of enjoying oneself whilst chilling on a nice summer evening is a bit off, if not downright weird. This is why they're my mates. We don't really do 'pleasant' or 'enjoying ourselves'. Usual Curry Club get-togethers consist of the lads doing their grumpy old men/ Statler and Waldorf routine - 'and another thing that really gets me is...', 'yeah and don't you just hate it when...', 'yeah, and people who...!!!!' which they can keep up for hours - while I sit and read the Sunday papers and completely ignore them. As I tell them, it's a Curry Club, not a Conversation Club.

Anyway, being thorough miserabilists, we ended up getting rather animated instead by the idea of a Top Ten of records which are so vile, so irritating that they're absolutely impossible to listen to; you'd rather listen to the shipping forecast. And they have to be songs that someone, somewhere thinks are good, not the Agadoos and Birdie Songs of this world.

So here they are, in reverse order:

10. Anything by Joni Mitchell. Or Joan Baez. Or that 'Midnight at the Oasis' song. My father's been trying to get me into Joni Mitchell, after I told him I'd only heard 'Big Yellow Taxi' and hated it. So I got 'Blue' for my birthday - which was very kind of him - but the itchy finger on the iPod trigger spontaneously leaps into action within seconds of her opening her mouth. Ditto Joan Baez: the Dylan documentary, 'Don't Look Back' is a great film - but not the bits with her in.

9. Power rock ballads by blokes with perms. Whitesnake, Foreigner, Bon Jovi ('Dead or Alive') and yes Tom, that means REO Speedwagon too. And for these purposes, Jennifer 'Power of Love' Rush is an honorary bloke-with-a-perm (but with a deeper voice).

8. Coldplay - 'Yellow'.

7. Gun 'n' Roses - 'Sweet Child of Mine'. This wasn't my choice, but the lads were unanimous. Especially Jonny Boy, who works in a guitar shop. Customers who play this, 'Smoke on the Water', anything by Eric Clapton or 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' are lucky to leave the shop alive. (Teen Spirit is of course good, but it's like someone singing My Way at karaoke. It's been done).

6. Kate Bush - 'Don't Give Up'.

5.Starship - 'We Built This City on Rock and Roll'.

4. James Blunt. We almost thought of banning him, on the grounds that it's so obvious. But recollections of being stuck in a taxi while 'You're Beautiful' was playing came back to haunt me. He has to be in here somewhere.

3. B52s - 'Love Shack'. Wacky. Wacky is not good. And why do they have to shout so?

2. That 'hot dog, jumping frog' song by Prefab Sprout. Who was more annoying - Wendy from Prefab Sprout or that girl who made the train noises on Deacon Blue songs? (Sorry Tom!)

1. And the winner is: 4 Non Blondes - 'What's Going On'. I bet for a moment you thought, how does that go? And then you remember: 'And I try, oh my god how I try....' And now it's in your head and it will be there forever unless you stick your fingers in your ears and go la-la-la-la for the next hour but even that probably won't work. Pure evil.

Yes Sir, I can boogie

Have decided I should have a title for my blog page, as in Ton Harris' 'And Another Thing' and Hopi Sen's 'A Blog from the Backroom' - which I inadvertently saved as 'A Blob from the Backroom' when I first added it to the links - sorry Hopi! I might call it 'Hmmm....' But maybe not.

I've decided that all politics and no play makes for a boring life, so will be adding some non-politics blogs to my links, starting with Dave Simpson's music blog for the Guardian. His inclusion is merited for at least two reasons: his favourite album is Closer by Joy Division (although mine is Unknown Pleasures, which he seems to think is wrong) and he hates the Beatles. I've tried, honestly I have - I spent three years at uni in Liverpool being blasted with the stuff everywhere I went - but sorry, I agree with every word Dave says.

It's not that I only like miserabilist stuff - the only gig I went to last year was Billy Ocean (a hero of mine from the mid-70s and it was immense fun; I am now the proud owner of a Billy Ocean mug which I accidentally took into a meeting with Ed Balls once. He didn't notice. Ed is into choral music. I had a conversation with him about it at the NPF. I don't understand at all.)

In my view the best music either has a bit of edge, a lot of soul, or a whole helping of cheese. (Or should that be Cheezly?) I have 'Yes Sir I can Boogie' on my iPod: it's a masterpiece. And Dolly Parton's 'Letter to Heaven', in which a little girl writes a letter to her Mummy in heaven, saying how much she misses her and wants to be with her, and is hit by a truck on her way to post it - I think the last line is something like 'the little girl's prayers had been answered at last'. Good old Dolly.