In my fit of outrage at the Tories' hypocrisy vis-a-vis Lord Sugar, I completely overlooked the most ridiculous and hypocritical element of their bid to recruit Jeremy Clarkson as a transport adviser. What does Jeremy Clarkson do? Answer - drive very expensive cars, very fast. And hates anyone who tries to stop him. What kind of message does that send out about future Tory transport policy? Let's have some fun - what would the Tory transport manifesto look like if Clarkson had actually said yes?