Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Quite right too

I have only just spotted this story from last week's Mirror.

Swiss army bans vegetarians

The Swiss army is banning strict vegetarians and the very thin from its ranks. But cannabis and ecstasy takers will still have to do military service. People of average height weighing more than 16 stone, diabetics and those with flat feet are also barred from service.
Green MP Josef Lang warned: "Half the male population will now become vegans."

10 comments:

Fred Bloggs said...

And yet you have proved that being Vegan gives you endless energy to work as hard as you do and strength to stand up to the idiots who knock you down (particularly on this blog site), you would always be way too small to carry a rifle though...

Dave H said...

Naturally this was meant as a humourous posting. You’ll have realised they won't actually become vegans, they'll just claim to be vegans. After being rejected for service they'll probably celebrate by slaughtering a pig and happily continue their carnivorous ways.

There is a very similar historical precedent for this: Czech youths that were otherwise medically fit could avoid national service by claiming to be gay. Naturally, this led to a disproportionate number of potential recruits saying things like they only wanted to join the army because of the uniforms.

Clearly, an objective test for sexual orientation was required. Although more sophisticated equipment was used, the procedure adopted was in many ways smirkingly similar to the old joke about the would-be Monk, the small bell and the naked lady. It's tediously predictable that males really are unable to control themselves.

What would be the equivalent test for authentic Veganism? A large, freshly cooked steak and dribble-monitor?

N.B. the comments on this blog have become sparse and dull since that horrid man Old Holborn departed. Please make an outrageously absurd politically correct posting and I’ll try and tempt him back to leave some proper bile. Though, sorry to say this, I suspect you might have managed this before too long without any prompting.

Billy Wallace said...

What a very sad life you all have.

Kieron said...

"the old joke about the would-be Monk, the small bell and the naked lady"

I really want to hear this joke ^_^


"Czech youths that were otherwise medically fit could avoid national service by claiming to be gay."

Still possible in Russia and Estonia. Difference is that if you do it in Russia you are also then effectively banned from things like, say, getting a job.


"Clearly, an objective test for sexual orientation was required."

Erm... is that what was clearly required?

Bristol Dave said...

I really want to hear this joke ^_^

A quick Google search has revealed...

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring……

Bristol Dave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Penguin said...

Are you a Vegan then Kerry?

Do you have to take loads of supplements and trace elements and similar to ensure you get enough from what must be a fairly restrictive diet?

Not taking the mick, interested.

The Penguin

Kerry said...

Yes I am, and no I don't. Sometimes take Vit B complex, because B12 is a bit difficult to get from a vegan diet, tho' it's in Marmite and some fortified breakfast cereals. But usually I forget to do so and I'm fine.

An MP's lifestyle makes it more difficult than it used to be. No point buying vegetables if you're never at home.

fuchsia groan said...

As a vegetarian, the most irritating question I always get asked is 'where do you get your protein'? I was taken to task by a large lady last week as she was eyeing up a counter full of pork pies. 'You don't know what you are missing' quoth she (a third party mentioned I didn't eat meat, much to my annoyance, as it is my business and no-one else's). I was too polite to suggest fewer pork pies and more vegetable might be in order.

Kerry said...

I had pie and mash for tea tonight. But it was a creamy mushroom Clive's Pie. Made with soya milk not cream. Very nice. No idea if it had any protein in it. Probably not.